How to Help Kids Through Hard Times

The terrible shooting in US that put 27 people to death, mostly six and seven year old children made me write this post. There is much controversial stuff.

Media outrage about gun laws instead more talk about media making people like the Aurora shooter to some kind of celebrity, that inspires other people to go out and “be someone” by doing extreme atrocities too.

I know many of you have families or are close friends with people who have. So today I want to talk about what happens to kids who get through some terrible times.

Kids had it too, just like grown up people. Maybe in different way, but they definitely absorbed all hard stuff that happened around all of us. You may expect that you can throw whole bunch of cardboard table games in one secure room inside house with your toddlers while you are fighting for survival and that everything gonna be OK with them.

And to be honest people did like that, nobody paid too much attention to kids, if you follow the site or are member of course you know how dramatically priorities change.

Most important thing was to keep kids physically safe. Everything else was kept for some other time, for time when peace comes, for time when „normal time“ comes. Even though often we did not expect to live to that day.

Later when normal time came, some of the folks realized that their kids are not actually „normal“ kids anymore.

Most of the people having tendency to forget time when they were kids, and think like kids actually do not understand too much, so there is no too much need for explaining things that are happening around them. Kids are small people, they are not idiots, they understand much more than we think.

In that time as I already said we did not pay too much time about explaining things to kids, explaining some bad things that they seen or heard happening around them.

I still think that we did not have time for that because we were occupied with much more important things, with food finding, and basic security things. But sometimes I think that we did not know how things gonna have influence on them, if we knew that maybe we would have found some time for that.

Anyway, today after any traumatic event in normal societies there is a whole system that is used to help kids to cope with that event, but do not forget that first and best friend for your kid is someone they trust, a close friend of family or you if you are parents, and you are the person who need to see problem with your kid.

Later when that kid is fully grown up person it is hard and sometimes impossible to correct some things. The bad patterns and trauma might have left too deep scar.

Examples around me are numerous, and whole society here is built on false and wrong values. I can say that one of the reason for that is that great number of young people are raised in wrong way.

Any traumatic event will leave great influence on kid or young person. Other thing is what that person gonna learn from that event. I am not some kind of expert in human behavior or psychologist, but I am man who survived great number of traumatic events, and I know great number of people who suffered many traumatic events, so I can say that people who survived it gonna have consequences. Always.

One of my relatives for last 10 years did not go out from her apartment alone. Always with some other family member. She was six years old when she watched how people getting killed around her, nobody thought in that time to talk too much about what she saw, priority was to keep her safe. It struck her years later.

Opposite to her my younger colleague who was also young during time in war can not stand elevators, and any other small spaces. Panic attacks. He told me parents put him in small safe room when shelling was very heavy.

I was once with him in apartment, and when we wanted to go out key in door jammed (here you lock door when you inside apartment), I guess he felt stranded in that moment or whatever, he got panic attack pushed me from the door and start to kick door with chair. Almost 20 years before he was almost suffocated when his house went on fire by shelling and he was stranded for some time in safe room. He was 14 then.

And these two cases are mild examples. In worst cases kids are grown up in traumatic events and without working with them they can grow up in man who think that he can do anything with force only.

If kids are seeing that people do wrong things in order to get something, they can conclude that way is easiest way. They get wrong ideals. This is why when media makes celebrity out of people who go on shooting sprees you create long term problem.

You suddenly have fully grown up man who is maybe simply bad or just knows he will be known and finally someone if he does one big act of violence that is worth the news.

So what to do?

Just work with your kids, pay attention what they seeing and how they understand all that. Help them to understand what is bad and what is wrong.

Do not talk about shooter with them, talk with them about victims. Shooter is nobody and should remain that.

Those “flashers” that run on field during sport events are not covered by media as well because this would just make more people go run for fame. Some part of media does not get it and for sake of money, attention and more viewers they make a hero out of someone who should remain nobody forever.

What I try to say is, do not underestimate young people. They are new to life and suck in all things around them. Good or bad and you have to help him make sense of this or be a bit of filter.

Without your help kid who is going through some bad situation may go to some extreme later.

Keeping kids away from real world is not right either but they have to learn about things and you have to help them understand context of this.

Saddam Hussein thought it is good idea to “toughen” his kids up when they were young, by letting them see atrocities. His sons Udai and Qusay became murdering psychopaths.

Sad reality is there is a whole generation of young people here who just do not have correct understanding of meaning of right and wrong. For them correct concept is easy and hard. And if you stop for a moment and think about that you can see how that concept is dangerous, and why when SHTF we gonna have some really hard time.

For them it is easier to get high and rob some small store, beating to death lady who work there than to work for living. They do not know for other way, any other way is harder for them.

And never make mistake and think that kids are just kids, and that they do not see and understand what is going around them.

They see everything and they will understand what is happening and why, but without your help maybe they might misunderstand that.

What are your thoughts on this?

Learn more: http://www.shtfschool.com/survival-psychology/traumatized-kids/

SELCO

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